I think it's a bit morbid

to be writing eulogies for people who aren't dead. but that's precisely why an elegy is written. NOT a eulogy. there's a huge difference, obviously, between dead and alive. now, all dead and mostly dead you'd have to consult Miracle Max on. but, dead v. alive, I can do.

anyway, the speaker in the poem definitely sounds a little fearful of his life after his father's death. he says repeatedly that his father is ready to go. this sounds just fine, right? but that's not how he feels. he doesn't want his father to die, obviously. largely due to the fact that he doesn't believe that he'll see his father ever again, I think.

the last few lines really provide some powerful imagery too. his father's death is an embarkation, or so his father thinks. the speaker feels that it is much more permanent though. the speaker feels that his father will not ever see him standing on the dock shouting "Welcome back" because he's never coming back and the speaker is not going to be able to follow him. how sad.

"my mind is set on overdrive"

and to top it all off, some Brain Stew by Green Day.

senses dulled.
face is numb.
guess that's the point of delirium.
onmyownherewego.

Emily Dickinson provides a very interesting sensation while reading "I Felt A Funeral In My Brain". the use of sounds is so integral to the poem, but all the senses play a huge role. it's a very "sensing" poem. I mean, the title itself employs the sense of touch. she "heard them lift the casket" and "creak" across her soul. I can't imagine that with all of these conflicting senses and images that this funeral was a real funeral. firstly, the speaker would have to be inside the casket if it were, making them dead and senseless. so that's a no-go.

rather, I see this whole thing as a system of decision making. the "mourners, to and fro" are the two opposing sides that continue to move around and change things up on the speaker. when things had calmed down for a bit, the beating started. the over-thinking and over-analyzing started, making her go numb for a while. then, the ideas shifted just enough for note, and things became clear, allowing the speaker to see reason and know what decision to make. this process was a long one in this particular instance, but I think a lot of decision making follows a similar pattern. the other argument one could make is that this is about a mental breakdown, but I think that takes the ordinary struggle of decision making that is present a step too far.

if the world is ending, I'm throwing the party - TTTC

"They proposed toasts. They lifted their canteens and drank to the old man's family and ancestors, his many grandchildren, his newfound life after death. It was more than mockery. There was a formality to it, like a funeral without the sadness."

(p. 215)

this whole piece starts with the platoon stumbling across the body of an old man. each of them shakes the corpse's hand. I know I'm not the only one that found this immensely creepy. I mean, it's a dead body for Christ's sake. as if it couldn't get more creepy, the prop him up and have a conversation with him! I don't blame O'Brien for not wanting to take part in this. there's just something that's not right about this. I'm not sure it's disrespect. I mean, they're not defacing the body in any way, but there's a lack of sincerity, it seems. there's no sadness. there's no respect in that way. for me, a funeral without sadness is kinda like a half-hearted apology: if you're not doing it for the right reasons, you might as well not do it... maybe that's just me.